Yesterday I activated my Jawbone UP while smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. The Irony was not lost on me, I can assure you.
I do want to get healthier which is why I have an UP to begin with. I'm turning 30 in a few days and I'm trying to kick the smoking/drinking/burger lifestyle I have.
Hopefully the UP will help motivate me to get in shape again and feel happier and healthier overall.
I had an appointment yesterday morning to see my new primary care doctor for the first time. I mentioned that I sometimes have back pain and he immediately sent me for x-rays right on the spot. I've never had quicker, more considerate service in my life. Good job, VA Southern Nevada.
I often wonder how my time in the Army would have been if I had access to a smartphone to document it. This blog likely would have started back then instead of 10 years later.
I take my phone and tablet for granted now, but if I only had them in Iraq and at Ft Lewis, things would be so different. Different in my imagination, at least. I mean, I had an iPod full of music to keep me sane, but now that seems so archaic.
I can't remember things that happened back then and it scares me. I should have written more down. A pen and paper will never be deprecated or subject to DRM, I suppose.
Apparently, depression is a lot like your credit score: everything works against it. I'm supposed to switch to decaf.
Someone helped me realize something today. I'm 29, I just moved 2000 miles away, just started a new job, I have debt, I don't have a college degree, and my apartment isn't perfect. It's NORMAL to have the feelings I do.
Sometimes I just have to realize I'm human.
Getting treated at the VA when you're an employee here is tough. My workday and the clinic hours are the same, meaning I have to use vacation or sick time to get treated. I wish they offered night or weekend hours.
I just found my old notebook from when I was in the Army. I flipped through the pages and pages of 'lyrics' I wrote for songs that never materialized. The main themes of almost every 'song' were coffee, cigarettes, and especially, boredom. To be honest, I only really started smoking out of boredom anyway, so there you go.
I was pretty heavy into emo back in the mid-2000's and it showed in my writing. Songs about not being understood, songs about the night, and songs about the world passing me by are easily explained by my time in the service. I was misunderstood (or at least hard to relate to) and working the night shift in Iraq while all my friends and family lived their lives. It really hit me when I finally came home and my friends were talking about music and movies that I'd never even heard of, and that was only being gone for one year.
All this would be well and good; easy to leave in the past and move on. A nice bit of nostalgia to share over a drink with some old friends. Perhaps, if not for the fact that I'm falling into the same cycle that I couldn't wait to leave.
I turn 30 next month. I don't have a degree, nor am I close to attaining one. I work in a very stable job, but I'm not challenged (often having literally nothing to do) and I have virtually no potential for advancement. Those lyrics I wrote in 2004 could easily be about my life now in 2013.
I'm worried that my fear of failure is so crippling that I'll never be able to get out of this rut. I'm stuck in a never-ending circle and I don't know how to break out of it. I'd like to get off the ride now, please.
The problem is that I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. If I could just focus my energy on one thing, I'm sure I could start making headway. I know it's never too late, but I just feel like it's now or never for me.
Trying to quit smoking in Las Vegas is about as hard as trying not to smoke in the Army.
My own fear of failure is really what has been holding me back all these years.
One of the hardest things for me to shake has been my addiction to nicotine. Today is my third day without cigarettes.
